Rdxhd Me Meet The Spartans Pit

In this spoof of the movie '300' and American pop culture, Leonidas (SEAN MAGUIRE) is the king of the Spartans, married to Queen Margo (CARMEN ELECTRA). When a Persian Emissary (METHOD MAN) representing Persian warlord Xerxes (KEN DAVITIAN) arrives with word of his master's intentions of conquering. Leonidas: Let us talk next to the giant pit of death. Messenger: [casually] Okay.

MEET THE SPARTANS We hear rousing orchestral fanfare and a woman chanting over the REGENCY and MEET THE SPARTANS title. THUNDER crashes. PIT OF SKULLS - NIGHT A cliff that o versee s a pit of sku lls. MALE NARRATOR In the land of Sparta. When babies were b orn. The el ders w ould inspect them for defects.

If any imperfections were found. The baby was re jected. Spartan Man uncovers the baby. The baby is SHREK. SHREK (Scottish accent): Ah. Are you my mama? 'Cause I'm re ady to suckle a teat.

Shrek projectile vomits on the Spartan Man and cackles. The Spartan Man wipes the vomit off of his face and punts Shrek off of the cliff. The Spartan Man reveals a baby with Asian features. MALE NARRATOR And if the bab y. W as Vie tnamese. Brangelina had first dibs. The Spartan Man gives the Vietnamese Baby to Brad Pitt and Angelin a Joli e, bot h weari ng con tempor ary clo thing.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie fawn over the baby while Spartan Man shakes his head. Spartan Man uncovers BABY LEONIDAS. The baby has a large thick beard as if he were a Spartan adult. MALE NARRATOR Behold Leonidas. BABY LEONIDAS (Adult voice) AH-OOH!

MALE NARRATOR The perfect Spartan. The camera pans down to reveal that Baby Leonidas already has well defined abs. Spartan Man nods his head, chuckles and stamps the baby's buttocks with a stamper. The stamp reveals 'INSPECTED BY #12'. SPARTAN TRAINING GROUNDS - DAY A sand- covere d trai ning ar ea for fightin g. A fist flies toward screen and hi ts YOUN G LEON IDAS ( 10). Young Leonidas also has a large full beard as if he were an adult.

MALE NARRATOR From an early age. Leonidas was taught to fight.

Leonidas is sparring with an ELDERLY WOMAN(80s). ELDERLY WOMAN Come on, you little shit! You can't beat me.

You're never gonna be a Spartan, never. YOUNG LEONIDAS Take this, Granny! Young Leonidas punches the Elderly Woman and her dentures fly out towards the camera in a slow motion 3-D effect. FADE TO: INT. SPARTAN TRAINING GROUNDS - DAY TEENAGE LEONIDAS (16, portrayed by Sean Maguire, who is adult) sits bound in a chair. He has braces and acne. MALE NARRATOR He was tortured, taught to show no pain.

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Swinging a thick knotted rope is LE CHIFFRE from the film Casino Royale. Blood violently squirts from his left eye and down his face. LE CHIFFRE Tell me, Mr. What is the account number? TEENAGE LEONIDAS Who the hell is Mr. I'm Leonidas.

LE CHIFFRE You're testing my patience, Double-Oh. TEENAGE LEONIDAS But I am not Double- Le Chiffre hits Teenage Leonidas in the testicles with the rope. TEENAGE LEONIDAS (Screams) OH!

Le Chiffre laughs and strikes him again. Close-up on Teenage Leonidas's swollen testicles. TEENAGE LEONIDAS Oh! Little Miss Sunshine! Le Chiffre holds a can of Pedigree dog food next to Teenage Leonidas' face, logo towards camera. TEENAGE LEONIDAS (TREMBLING): Oh, oh- - Le Chiffre holds a large spoonful of dog food up to his face. LE CHIFFRE Here's a nice one.

Le Chiffre spreads the dog food on Teenage Leonidas's testicles. TEENAGE LEONIDAS Oh- - (whimpering) No, no, no. LE CHIFFRE That's right. Le Chiffre holds a dog next to Teenage Leonidas. LE CHIFFRE Mr. Bond, I'd like you to meet Captain Adorable. - (dog growls) - Good boy.

Who's a good boy? The dog licks Teenage Leonidas's testicles. Leonidas struggles in his chair but smiles also. The dog bites Teenage Leonidas's testicles with a LOUD CRUNCH. Teenage Leonidas yells.